wash me baby

Chapter 34

Jack moves a bit in the bed and we both stand to look at him. His eyes open and he smiles, “Hi.”

 “Baby, wash me,” Jack looks at me with his little boy eyes. “I’m weak and I need to get this blood off me, it’s sticking to my hair.” His voice is soft and helpless. I know the strong Jack is in there but, right now I need me to be his strength. I need to be the strong one, for him. He has done so much for me caring, providing, loving, he has become everything. There hasn’t been one need he hasn’t met. I was lost and he was there to comfort me. I was an orphan and he became my family. I was loveless and he bathed me in his love. He loves me completely with no bounds, no ------, no -------. With his whole bruised and battered heart. Oh Jack you have showed me light in the darkness and now because of you the sun shines brighter. I would do anything for you now.

 “Are you sure you have the strength? Shouldn’t we ask a nurse?” I question a little nervous of what he’s asking of me.

 “Please Susie, I need this now.” He grabs my hand and squeezes.

“OK, sweetheart I’ll wash you, just let me get ready. Don’t move.” Can I do this he’s so big and I’m not sure. I poke my head out into the hall in search of towels. There, just down the hallway is the standard hospital cart filled with linens. I walk to it and grab what I need to wash Jack.  I quickly grab a bundle of towels, wash cloths, a blue gown and carried them back to the ensuite. There is a small plastic seat in the shower stall “Good that will make less difficult.” I undo my shoes and kick them off; I slide my thumb into my sock and slide it off then the other one. Pushing my shoes and socks with my foot into the corner, I think I’m ready.  Turning back to Jack he’s already trying to get out of bed.

“Easy, Jack please let me help you.” “I’m stern but, trying not to sound motherly. His eyes twinkle at me their blue Safire blue with gold specks and my heart becomes filled with emotion. My throat tightens, I love this man.

He has a smirk on his face “OK, Mom,” he winks. Putting his arm around my neck across my shoulders, I grab around his waist and try and lift his good side. He’s heavy. Lifting him up he winzes

“Oh Jack I’m so sorry,” I want to cry.

 “Its ok baby, its ok,” he smiles but, his brow comes together in a v, I know just standing is painful and now we have to walk all the way to the shower. Once he’s on his feet, we slowly painfully (word) make our way. He shuffles, I’m not sure if it is because of the pain or because he has no strength, he’s heavy. (I’m just a man; I dress myself one leg at a time)

Once in the bathroom he turns to me still holding on to Me., “UN dresses me, I can hold on to you just go easy. I can stand.” His breath is short and he squeezes my shoulder with his hand. His face isn’t that same ruddy outdoor complexion; a trace of grey seems to have washed over his face. I mercilessly reach up and undo the white tie on the back of the blue cotton gown. My hands are shaking and emotion is pulling at my tears. He leans down and kisses my cheek softly shifting his weight as he struggles to stand and my eyes start to overflow. His pain is ripping at my very soul, oh Jack. Tears run down (words) my face and splash on my arms. I almost lost you. I almost let you go. I’m such a fool.

 “Please baby doesn’t cry. We’re going to be ok,” his voice is still soft and quiet. Even though he’s hurt his words “We’re going to be ok” comforts me like a blanket. I ease the gown off his shoulders and toss it in the corner with my shoes. He’s naked like he has been many times before but, this time is different. I’m now his protector, his guardian, his shelter. I feel as though he’s looked after me my whole in a way, now it’s my turn to reciprocate. I feel a new plateau to my love for this man. I can see his bandage across his chest, it tugs sharp at my heart. Blood splatter is on his neck and arm. Blood all over his stomach and legs, so much blood.  I reach to touch by the dressing, “OH god.” I gasp a through a spasm from my diaphragm. I’m here now Jack I’m not letting you go. I hold on as he eases down to the seat. I pull my shirt over my head, undo my bra and throw them into the corner. Hooking my thumbs in my jeans and panties all at once I slide them down and kick them in the corner as the shower. I’m naked in front of him now, exposed but, I don’t feel coy or apprehensive, we are one. I have nothing to fear or hide. Everything is here on the table spilled out It’s here in the open, we’ve only met a short time but, I feel as though we have been together forever, soul mates   I turn the shower on, it heat feels good. “I think we should try and keep your wound …..  Dry.” There is a catch in my throat as I talk.

 He grabs one of my hands and kisses it, “Baby, I’m ok, shhh.” He lets go and I begin. I put a little soap in the palm of my hand and start to wash his hair. Jack makes an mm sound. Rinsing his hair I see a small cut in his hair line and I kiss it. The floor is brown with blood, swirling around the drain with the clean white bubbles. I put more soap and wash under his indented chin, his stubble neck, and his freckled shoulders and around to his back, washing the blood away that has tragically stained our lives.  This is renewal. I need to make us whole again. I need to show you I still love you entirely. “I love you Jack.” I whisper. I feel a nip at my nipple and I look down at Jack he’s pale but, he’s smiling, a great big love you smile. I know he is only letting me know it’s still him, playful.  “Jack.” the damn breaks, my tears come harder and I fear they will never stop. Uncontrollably I weep heavy unladylike sobs. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I was so afraid.” I can’t finish my sentences for the wailing. “sh, sh.” He wraps his loving arms around my legs and pulls my body tight to him. His aged wet face on my stomach he doesn’t let go, holding on to my very life. Touching we are whole. I drop to my knees and put my hands on either side of his cheeks. He rests his soft hands behind my neck drawing towards him, tenderly touching our foreheads together, “I love you, Susie. I need your forgiveness.” His look is ardent. “I need you to forgive me   baby. Forgive me for the accident.” I rinse away the lather, grabbing a towel start to dry his hair.

 “I forgive you Jack.” Using my index finger under the towel I dry in his ears, he closes his eyes.

“I forgive you with all my heart, Jack.” With the flat of my hand under the towel I dry down his arms down to his arms and his back, he keeps his eyes closed the whole time. I finish with his feet. “I need to lie down.” He looks twenty years older.  Slipping the crisp sterile gown on him, I quickly tie the back string. Leaning down I kiss his lips, looking into his eyes I’m amazed how beautiful they are, heart stealing. You own me Jack, no question. I wrap a towel around me. Nestling under his good side, using me like a crutch, I help him to stand.   As we walk through the doorway, we come face to face with Brad. He hurries to Jack side, supporting the rest of his weight. Jack leans his head over and once more, touches his forehead to mine. “Stay with me,” he’s quiet.  Together Brad and I manage to get Jack settled back into bed. “Libby, thank you,” he whispers with those big baby blues staring at me intently. I pull my chair to the bed, put my hands on Jack’s and sit down. “I’m here and I’m not leaving you.” I promise laying my head on the bed.