300 flowers

Chapter 31 300 flowers R

“Delivery Elizabeth Whyte” his voice is almost sarcastic and I can hear the crack of his gum, as he continues to chew hard through his sentence and annoyance crawls up my neck and rest in my jaws. Presumably you smack your gum like that in any situation, do you have no manners at all. MEN!

“Come on up” I answer with a sigh.

I don’t even wait for his knock; I just open the door and greet him with his dread locks and Jimmy Hendrix shirt, still chewing his gum feverishly. He’s wearing a baseball cap that says Wayward Flowers and I wonder briefly, what the flowers did that was so wrong they were considered wayward. He’s holding a bouquet of a dozen deep velvet red roses.

“Wow, flowers what a surprise.” Not hiding my sarcasm. Man I am being such a bitch, what did this kid ever do to me? Guilt raises her ugly head and hits me square in the kisser. Smarten up Libby and be nice to the kid, he’s just doing his job.

“Someone must really like you, Miss Whyte.” Smiling, he hands me a bouquet. What does it matter if he likes me or not? What does it matter if he even loves me? He lied, broke my heart, end of story.

“Thank you.” I reach into my pocket for a guilty tip.

“No, that’s ok, see you tomorrow.” He laughs and walks away and I can’t help but smile back. It’s not his fault that Jack did this to me.

Closing the door I walk back into the apartment and move a tall vase over and place the newest one down. The whole room smells heavenly of roses. Folding my arms I take in the aroma and even through protest, I secretly love the fact that they all are here for me. Until now I’d never received flowers before, not from anyone. Twenty five vases of roses have been delivered in twenty five days. Three hundred roses fill the whole living room and every single one of them from Jack.

“I am not a push over!” stamping my foot.

Overwhelmed, I flop down in a chair and trying to curb my heavy thoughts of Jack. There is no explanation he could ever give that would make me forgive him.  None what’s so ever? He’s obviously still thinking of me. Which make me secretly gives me a flutter inside, is that wrong?

“New flowers from Jack?” Gerry peeks out from the bedroom at me.

“Yes, they are red roses.” I laugh.

“That’s such a nice sound.”

“What?”

“Your laugh, I miss it.”

“This is just so crazy, isn’t it?”

 “You should call him.”

“Call him!?”

“At least read his e-mails”

“Ok, ok, already,” I say with a heavy sigh, like a child. “I guess I could do that. It’s just going to be all lies.”

I grab my lap top from the bedroom and settle into couch in the living room and open one of his letters.

 ‘In 1995 I had the accident, an accident that changed both our lives.’

“Accident?”

‘Not only did if rip our entire future apart but, it also connected us, in a strange way forever. Taking away innocence we were entitled to but, so sadly robbed of by circumstances. That night your parents died it was my car that hit theirs.”

I reach up for my mouth and let out an uncontrolled gasp “What?!”

“I’ll never forget that night. My dad and I argued over something that seems so trivial now. I was head strong and he was so mad. Our quarrel became a fight and he me hit hard, knocking the wind out of me.   I was such a Mama’s boy, I ran, grabbing his keys on the way out. I stole his car even though I had never driven before. I was fourteen. I was totally out of control when your parent’s car came around a corner towards mine. They never had a chance.  I still remember the feeling of gut sickening fear before we hit.  I was comatose for two weeks and as soon as I was out of the hospital I went to court over killing your parents and steeling my dad’s car. I deserved whatever I got, and at 14, lonely and scared doesn’t begin to describe what I was feeling.  I ended up being locked up in detention for two months. My father disowned me and my Mother, the only person to truly love me was so hurt.  I ruined her;   it was the beginning of her end.  It hurt their marriage terribly. They stayed together but, I know they weren’t truly connected anymore, more like hated each other.    My Mom, being the good hearted soul that she was, wanted to adopt you.  My father wouldn’t hear of it, he said absolutely not! He became mean and put up a wall. So my mother did what she had to do, to make things right for you, she started a trust fund. I think she was as lonely as I was. She was adamant the money would be there for whatever you needed. She became your guardian, Libbie. She watched you grow up, she kept newspaper clippings of stuff you did, pictures and every Christmas she would buy you a present, from “your mom.”  I didn’t even know these people I killed had a daughter, how awful is that.  I didn’t even know your name. All those years my mom tried to ease her guilt, because of me. Then she became ill with cancer and it started to take over and she knew she was dying, you were soon to be 18, soon to be out of foster care.  That’s when she told me about you. She told everything she knew about you; how you liked to dance, your foster life, your friends, and the trust fund. How she wanted you to have enough money so you wouldn’t need anything. Our talking about you was like a reconnection to her. I felt like she hated me for what I did. You made it easier for us to talk. You helped her forgive me. She had started a trust fund when you were 8.  With all the chemo, radiation, she couldn’t look after herself let alone you. Dad was useless because he drank all the time. She made me promise on her grave to do the right thing. It was then that I realize the full extent of the accident, not only had I wrecked my life, I had ruined your life, too. I was 25 years old. I felt horrible. I started looking after your money and took over buying you gifts. I didn’t know what to say or do how to tell you. When   I saw you dance for the first time, I was enchanted.  I wanted to know more. I wanted to learn everything about you. Everything. I realized you were happy, truly happy. Even though I had ruined your entire life, you still could smile, laugh, and enjoy whatever the world had to offer. I was in awe of you, my inspiration, and my angel. You gave me hope. I wanted you to know I was truly sorry for what I had done. Now that I know about Tommy, I can’t fix that for you and I am sorry, so, very sorry he did but, I need to make sure he pays for it and that you are protected.  I will try and make it right. If I could have told you face to face, I would have.  I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you.  Now I feel like my whole life is spiraling into the darkest depth of hell. Without you there is no color, no taste, and no sound, without you I’m nothing. (It might not look like it right now but, trust me baby this is love.) I need you baby. I love you. Please talk to me. Jack.

I close the laptop, bow my head and let the tears flow. I miss him so, much. I miss his voice. I miss his kiss on my lips.  I crave his touch but, I feel deep down in my soul if omission is a lie, he lied to me. My heart is quite simply, breaking in half. I need time to think. Do I want to go back to someone who beguiled me into believing in him to be something he wasn’t? Do I love this man? Do I know this man? Do I love the man I don’t know? Sobbing out loud, I break down at the thought of losing, something I don’t know I ever really had. Jacklusion, Jackasy, MissJackithology.

“Sissy, don’t cry, you’re breaking my heart.” Gerry wraps his arms around me. “Let’s go and see a movie or get a drink, maybe.”

“No, I don’t feel like anything. I just can’t get over this”

“Ok…..Sis, I really do believe he was a good guy and what is it all about really, forgive and forget?”

“I’m not sure? Right now I just don’t know. I’m confused.”

“Then, maybe you should just tell him that.”

In a hurry I peel around the corner to catch my bus. Glancing at my watch, and the lineup, I know I’m  just in time. I manage to get a spot on the #51 line but, it’s full of people heading home after work like me so, I’m standing. I like a full bus everyone is so close they always avoid eye contact or talking, that gives me time to daydream. I can’t get Jack out of my mind. He’s omnipresent, there with me at breakfast, in the shower, at work, on the bus, invading my thoughts. I’ve decided to call him and get everything out on the table. Everything! As soon as I get home I’ll pour myself a glass of wine and call him. Do we have wine? I’m nervous! I’m nervous and excited at the same time. I miss his voice. Who am I kidding I miss everything about him. Knots start to build in my stomach. It’s just a phone call relax girl.

       The front door is unlocked, “Gerry, Chris are you here?”

“In the living room!”

They are sitting playing a game of chess. Obviously Chris is kicking Gerry’s ass.
“Gerry, you’re losing,” I giggle.

“No shit Sherlock!!” he grins at me.

“Did any flowers come?”

“Not yet.”

“Oh.”

“Dissapointed?” Chris glares at me.

“No.” I answer nonchalantly but, I am. What’s with that flower shop anyway? Is Wayward Flowers deliberately leaving my delivery till the end?

I look at the clock and then my watch.

“What time do you think that flower shop closes?”

“What? What flower shop?”

“Wayward.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jack’s flower shop.”