the accident

Chapter 33 The accident

I answer the intercom nervously; I can feel a lump in my throat the size of a baseball. It’s been 4 days since I last received any evidence that Jack still cares. He stopped sending roses and now he’s here to pick up the bracelet, I’m guessing. I want to run but, I know eventually I have to talk to Jack. I coral my courage, stand straight and bravely answer.

 “Hello” my voice is weak; I clear my throat of the constriction and repeat, “Hello.”

“Susie? It’s Brad. Can I come up?” Brad? I step back for a Nano second?

 “Sure, Brad come on up, I’m not alone.” What did I say that for, I push the door release?  What would possess Jack to send his footman? Does he think for one second someone else will persuade me to stay or is too busy to be bothered with me?  Brad knocks; bracing myself I open the door.  “Brad if you’re here on Jacks behalf, I…”

His hands fix on my shoulders, his face looks tired, “Libby I don’t know what’s up with you and Jack but, I have some bad news. There’s been an accident.

“What,” the word stumble out of my mouth, “what do you mean accident?”

“He was bike accident. He’s not good. He’s at St. Paul’s hospital, in surgery right now.” 

“WHAT!?” Grabbing my forehead to try and stay in the moment. Accident? Jack no. Oh my God, Jack.  Shadows on the wall are falling down engulfing me, pulling into darkness. With all that’s happened I feel this is too much. I need to hang onto something.  Falling down, in emptiness, I’m helpless. Jack? Jack don’t leave me, I do love you. Lack of food and sleep over the last few days, I feel dizzy and fall forward towards Brad.

“Whoa, let’s sit you down.”  There is a hush in the room except for my heart beating in my ears. Jack I’m so sorry.  “Libby is you ok? “His voice is sweet and soft, “Libby?”

“Libby!” Opening my eyes I’m looking at Brad, Steven and Christian. “Hey girl is you ok?” Worried Steven asks.

 “I don’t know.”  Everything is in slow motion.  “Is he alright? Is he going to be ok? Oh, God, Jack. How did this happen?  I have to see him.” My voice is ragged.  I’m gasping for breath, like I just ran up 20 fucking flights of stairs. “The car is outside, I’ll take you.”

     Standing in a waiting room at the hospital with Brad I feel like I’m watching from outside my body. Is this really happening? Rain starts to fall outside hitting the window.  ‘Hey beautiful want to break in my new bike?’ He was so handsome waiting for me outside the dance studio. I feel like if I don’t concentrate on the rain hitting the window I won’t breathe, I need to focus. ‘I bought you this bracelet because it reminded me of getting caught in the rain at Whistler.’ I think of our incredible night at the Fairmount. The rain washes over the window, poring now.   The nurse informs us he’s still in surgery. ‘Oh Baby, Talk to me please.’ My body is vibrating, I can’t stop shaking. “Shock,” Brad states.  ‘Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t swim?’ He saved me the night of the fireworks and held me in the shower to get warm. Rain hits the glass so; heavy it’s like a river.   He puts his hand on my cold arms, “I think you’re in shock. I’ll get you a blanket. He walks through the door way and I’m back at the streams of water on the glass.  Brad wraps the blanket around me and I notice stubble on his face, slightly grey. I wonder, only for a second how old he is, maybe 35- 40, he’s been a good friend to Jack?  Shrouded in a hospital blanket we sit together on a cold imitation leather couch in silence.   Right now it’s taking all my strength to sit upright.  My mind spins with memories of Jack.  That first night at the bar, ‘this lovely lady is with me.’ at the hockey game ‘looking for someone?’ That heart melting smile. In the forest on the way to Whistler, ‘Aren’t you my girlfriend, gorgeous?’  At the Ball, ‘You’re exquisite.’ Email, ‘You are the color of my universe.’

   The doctor enters the room snapping me back to now, “are you family?” “I...” Brad grabs my fingers, “Yes we are family.”  “Mr. Darcy has suffered two punctures to the left thorax,”

“Thorax!?”

 “Sorry lung. Two punctures to his lung. He’s lost a substantial amount of blood but, he’s doing ok. He came through surgery like a champion. His saturation level is well above 90 and his vitals are good. We are not out of the woods yet but, he is no longer critical condition. Only time will tell, he needs to heal; infection is my only concern now. I’ll keep you posted on any change” 

“Thank you Doctor.” I whisper. Information bounces around in my brain. I can’t live without you Jack, damn it, why didn’t I tell you that, Jack. I love you, more than anything. After he feeds us that information, he leaves the room and tears well up in my eyes.  . I turn to Brad and put my face in his chest. I feel his arms around me in a bear hug, no longer able to hold the damn, my tears fall. Loud wailing tears.

“Shh, he’s strong. He’ll be ok Libby. Don’t cry.” Like two an islands we remain clutched together, until the nurse disturbs us. 

“He’s no longer in intensive care. We’re moving him to a private room.” She informs us, so matter of fact, “and he’s awake now.”

 “Can we see him?” Brad asks.

“Yes but, only for a little while, he’ll be weak from the surgery. Follow me,” she takes us to his room.

 I stand in the door way, I feel weight in my chest making me feel heavy, almost sick. The man I fell in love with, the man who calls me beautiful, lying in the bed, helpless.  I watch his chest rise and fall with the rhythm of his breath. I want to touch him, my sweet loving Jack. I slowly walk to the bed with scared steps. Jack don’t leave me, I love you.  I touch his jaw, and then move the hair away from his eyes; he has a cut on his brow. Oh Jack. “Once I found out about Tommy, I wanted to make sure he paid for it, I have the power to protect you.” Tracing his scapula, I notice tiny bits of blood on his neck. Loving Jack. He opens one eye and looks at me. Reaching for my hand the corner of his mouth turns up, and it rips my heart. He opens his other eye and in a cheeky hush says “Miss me?”  His words stagger out of his mouth. “Jack I…..” words through sobs. “Shh,” he tries to put his index finger to his lips but, he has a mask on his nose and mouth “Kiss me.” I look at his through emotion strained eyes.  I lean down to kiss his oxygen mask and he closes his eyes.  My tears don’t stop and they fall on his cheeks. “Jack I’m so sorry.” His breathing quickens, “Tired” jack’s voice is small. “Sleep, it’s ok, I’m here,” I hold his hand in mine. “I’m not going anywhere; I’m staying here with you.” With promise in my voice, I sit beside the bed, as watch over my man. Peaceful he drifts into a deep sleep.

At five am, Brad leaves to grab us something to drink and the nurse is a small Asian lady, maybe late twenties or early thirties, walks in to check his vitals. She’s been in three times already, “His blood gases and pulse temperature are all good, he’s strong but, rest is his friend right not now, to heal. The more he can sleep the better. Can I get you anything Miss?”

“No I’m fine. Thank you.”

       Brad returns about twenty minutes later with some sandwiches and really bad coffee. “The Starbucks opens at 7am; I’ll grab us a good coffee then, is you ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“You look rough. If you don’t mind me asking, are you and Jack ok? He seemed pretty messed up for the last month.”

“Messed up?”

“I thought maybe you broke up. He was pretty emotional.”

“Emotional?”

“Yeah, he’d been crying. He said he had to go clear something up with some guy and maybe you would forgive him.”

“Oh no, did he say who?”

“Tommy someone, I don’t remember.”

I feel tears run down my cheeks, “This is because of me. He risked his neck for me Brad.”

“I know he loves you Libby.”