queen for a day

Last Chapter Chapter 35

 Queen for a day.

I feel him before I even open my eyes. His warm body beside mine and I feel entirely blissful. “Good morning sweetie. I have a surprise for you. Put this on,” he hands me a t-shirt. “Good morning. What surprise?” I sit up, slip the shirt over my head and ease my feet over the edge of the bed and on to the cool wood floor.

 “If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”

“Jack! At least kiss me.” I demand. Getting to the bottom of the stairs he turns to me and orders “close your eyes.” He takes hold of both my hands, kisses my mouth and leads me to my surprise. “Don’t open your eyes”

“I’m not!”

“You’re peaking.”

“No I’m not!” I hear him chuckle, then I feel his lips on mine, again. I kiss him back but, he pulls away. I feel him wince, from pain.

“Jack, this is too much, you’re still sore.”

“Keep your eyes closed.” He bids. “I’m fine.”

 “Jack!” I’m starting to come out of my skin.

“Ok, open your beautiful eyes, sweetheart.”

As I open my eyes I’m floored at what I behold. It is breathtakingly beautiful. “You finished it, it’s amazing!” Like a sanctuary a big stained glass window, in white creams and clear glass centered above the rustic grey door.  The epitome of peace and tranquility, it is beautiful. On the patio is a white wicker round day bed with maybe ten pillows. Two climbing rose bushes are planted on either side of the platform, and white roses bloom up to the roof. Large mutton pane windows flank both sides of the front door. A sign above the door reads Puccini coup.

I have a surprise for you inside as well.

I feel something on the side of my legs, at calf level, the couch maybe. What could this be about?

“Sit.” He pushes me backwards and I can do nothing sit. I’m on the couch in the living room.

“OH!” I squeal surprised by my sudden drop.

“Sorry, keep ‘em closed. Give me a minute.”

I hear clicking sounds and I smell that freshly brewed coffee aroma. It’s a rich, caramel, earthy smell. “Ok, what’s going on?” I’m anxious for my surprise.

“Shhhh, patients.” He is scurrying around. I can hear the pads of his bare feet on the floor. “One more thing and of course your morning coffee, Miss Whyte.”

 “It’s covered in tiny sparkly white lights, so magical. Hundreds of tiny silver beads are strung from top to bottom. Baby’s breath is tucked in randomly amongst the lights, creating an unadorned charm. Our first Christmas tree. I’m overwhelmed by this gesture that, tears steam down my cheeks and fall softly on my lap. I feel joy, right now in this room, with this man, pure, untainted, unadulterated, complete, love, my heart is bursting with it.

“Jack, what is this all about?”

“Merry Christmas Baby!”

“Christmas, it’s July!” I look at him with one eye brow raised.

“You don’t want to celebrate your birthday so; this is your Queen for the day wish. Christmas with your family. Me.” He whispers nervously. Sitting beside me he takes my hand and kisses the finger tips. “You have presents too. Let me get one for you.” He gets up and picks up a box, brings it back and sets it on my lap.

“This is wonderful but, it’s hardly fair, I don’t have anything for you.” I pout.

“Today is all about you, baby.” Jack winks at me.

“Are we having a Christmas dinner with my family too?”

“Yes, your brother and sister, my Aunt. Enough said." He seems a little nervous.

He hands me a box, wrapped in grey paper, with a red ribbon. 
"This was in my mom’s stuff she kept for you. They are pictures of your Mom and Dad."
"Oh my god!" I over come with emotion.
" Now that you’ve opened this, I don’t know. Seems anticlimactic but, here goes. Will you marry me?"

wash me baby

Chapter 34

Jack moves a bit in the bed and we both stand to look at him. His eyes open and he smiles, “Hi.”

 “Baby, wash me,” Jack looks at me with his little boy eyes. “I’m weak and I need to get this blood off me, it’s sticking to my hair.” His voice is soft and helpless. I know the strong Jack is in there but, right now I need me to be his strength. I need to be the strong one, for him. He has done so much for me caring, providing, loving, he has become everything. There hasn’t been one need he hasn’t met. I was lost and he was there to comfort me. I was an orphan and he became my family. I was loveless and he bathed me in his love. He loves me completely with no bounds, no ------, no -------. With his whole bruised and battered heart. Oh Jack you have showed me light in the darkness and now because of you the sun shines brighter. I would do anything for you now.

 “Are you sure you have the strength? Shouldn’t we ask a nurse?” I question a little nervous of what he’s asking of me.

 “Please Susie, I need this now.” He grabs my hand and squeezes.

“OK, sweetheart I’ll wash you, just let me get ready. Don’t move.” Can I do this he’s so big and I’m not sure. I poke my head out into the hall in search of towels. There, just down the hallway is the standard hospital cart filled with linens. I walk to it and grab what I need to wash Jack.  I quickly grab a bundle of towels, wash cloths, a blue gown and carried them back to the ensuite. There is a small plastic seat in the shower stall “Good that will make less difficult.” I undo my shoes and kick them off; I slide my thumb into my sock and slide it off then the other one. Pushing my shoes and socks with my foot into the corner, I think I’m ready.  Turning back to Jack he’s already trying to get out of bed.

“Easy, Jack please let me help you.” “I’m stern but, trying not to sound motherly. His eyes twinkle at me their blue Safire blue with gold specks and my heart becomes filled with emotion. My throat tightens, I love this man.

He has a smirk on his face “OK, Mom,” he winks. Putting his arm around my neck across my shoulders, I grab around his waist and try and lift his good side. He’s heavy. Lifting him up he winzes

“Oh Jack I’m so sorry,” I want to cry.

 “Its ok baby, its ok,” he smiles but, his brow comes together in a v, I know just standing is painful and now we have to walk all the way to the shower. Once he’s on his feet, we slowly painfully (word) make our way. He shuffles, I’m not sure if it is because of the pain or because he has no strength, he’s heavy. (I’m just a man; I dress myself one leg at a time)

Once in the bathroom he turns to me still holding on to Me., “UN dresses me, I can hold on to you just go easy. I can stand.” His breath is short and he squeezes my shoulder with his hand. His face isn’t that same ruddy outdoor complexion; a trace of grey seems to have washed over his face. I mercilessly reach up and undo the white tie on the back of the blue cotton gown. My hands are shaking and emotion is pulling at my tears. He leans down and kisses my cheek softly shifting his weight as he struggles to stand and my eyes start to overflow. His pain is ripping at my very soul, oh Jack. Tears run down (words) my face and splash on my arms. I almost lost you. I almost let you go. I’m such a fool.

 “Please baby doesn’t cry. We’re going to be ok,” his voice is still soft and quiet. Even though he’s hurt his words “We’re going to be ok” comforts me like a blanket. I ease the gown off his shoulders and toss it in the corner with my shoes. He’s naked like he has been many times before but, this time is different. I’m now his protector, his guardian, his shelter. I feel as though he’s looked after me my whole in a way, now it’s my turn to reciprocate. I feel a new plateau to my love for this man. I can see his bandage across his chest, it tugs sharp at my heart. Blood splatter is on his neck and arm. Blood all over his stomach and legs, so much blood.  I reach to touch by the dressing, “OH god.” I gasp a through a spasm from my diaphragm. I’m here now Jack I’m not letting you go. I hold on as he eases down to the seat. I pull my shirt over my head, undo my bra and throw them into the corner. Hooking my thumbs in my jeans and panties all at once I slide them down and kick them in the corner as the shower. I’m naked in front of him now, exposed but, I don’t feel coy or apprehensive, we are one. I have nothing to fear or hide. Everything is here on the table spilled out It’s here in the open, we’ve only met a short time but, I feel as though we have been together forever, soul mates   I turn the shower on, it heat feels good. “I think we should try and keep your wound …..  Dry.” There is a catch in my throat as I talk.

 He grabs one of my hands and kisses it, “Baby, I’m ok, shhh.” He lets go and I begin. I put a little soap in the palm of my hand and start to wash his hair. Jack makes an mm sound. Rinsing his hair I see a small cut in his hair line and I kiss it. The floor is brown with blood, swirling around the drain with the clean white bubbles. I put more soap and wash under his indented chin, his stubble neck, and his freckled shoulders and around to his back, washing the blood away that has tragically stained our lives.  This is renewal. I need to make us whole again. I need to show you I still love you entirely. “I love you Jack.” I whisper. I feel a nip at my nipple and I look down at Jack he’s pale but, he’s smiling, a great big love you smile. I know he is only letting me know it’s still him, playful.  “Jack.” the damn breaks, my tears come harder and I fear they will never stop. Uncontrollably I weep heavy unladylike sobs. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I was so afraid.” I can’t finish my sentences for the wailing. “sh, sh.” He wraps his loving arms around my legs and pulls my body tight to him. His aged wet face on my stomach he doesn’t let go, holding on to my very life. Touching we are whole. I drop to my knees and put my hands on either side of his cheeks. He rests his soft hands behind my neck drawing towards him, tenderly touching our foreheads together, “I love you, Susie. I need your forgiveness.” His look is ardent. “I need you to forgive me   baby. Forgive me for the accident.” I rinse away the lather, grabbing a towel start to dry his hair.

 “I forgive you Jack.” Using my index finger under the towel I dry in his ears, he closes his eyes.

“I forgive you with all my heart, Jack.” With the flat of my hand under the towel I dry down his arms down to his arms and his back, he keeps his eyes closed the whole time. I finish with his feet. “I need to lie down.” He looks twenty years older.  Slipping the crisp sterile gown on him, I quickly tie the back string. Leaning down I kiss his lips, looking into his eyes I’m amazed how beautiful they are, heart stealing. You own me Jack, no question. I wrap a towel around me. Nestling under his good side, using me like a crutch, I help him to stand.   As we walk through the doorway, we come face to face with Brad. He hurries to Jack side, supporting the rest of his weight. Jack leans his head over and once more, touches his forehead to mine. “Stay with me,” he’s quiet.  Together Brad and I manage to get Jack settled back into bed. “Libby, thank you,” he whispers with those big baby blues staring at me intently. I pull my chair to the bed, put my hands on Jack’s and sit down. “I’m here and I’m not leaving you.” I promise laying my head on the bed.

the accident

Chapter 33 The accident

I answer the intercom nervously; I can feel a lump in my throat the size of a baseball. It’s been 4 days since I last received any evidence that Jack still cares. He stopped sending roses and now he’s here to pick up the bracelet, I’m guessing. I want to run but, I know eventually I have to talk to Jack. I coral my courage, stand straight and bravely answer.

 “Hello” my voice is weak; I clear my throat of the constriction and repeat, “Hello.”

“Susie? It’s Brad. Can I come up?” Brad? I step back for a Nano second?

 “Sure, Brad come on up, I’m not alone.” What did I say that for, I push the door release?  What would possess Jack to send his footman? Does he think for one second someone else will persuade me to stay or is too busy to be bothered with me?  Brad knocks; bracing myself I open the door.  “Brad if you’re here on Jacks behalf, I…”

His hands fix on my shoulders, his face looks tired, “Libby I don’t know what’s up with you and Jack but, I have some bad news. There’s been an accident.

“What,” the word stumble out of my mouth, “what do you mean accident?”

“He was bike accident. He’s not good. He’s at St. Paul’s hospital, in surgery right now.” 

“WHAT!?” Grabbing my forehead to try and stay in the moment. Accident? Jack no. Oh my God, Jack.  Shadows on the wall are falling down engulfing me, pulling into darkness. With all that’s happened I feel this is too much. I need to hang onto something.  Falling down, in emptiness, I’m helpless. Jack? Jack don’t leave me, I do love you. Lack of food and sleep over the last few days, I feel dizzy and fall forward towards Brad.

“Whoa, let’s sit you down.”  There is a hush in the room except for my heart beating in my ears. Jack I’m so sorry.  “Libby is you ok? “His voice is sweet and soft, “Libby?”

“Libby!” Opening my eyes I’m looking at Brad, Steven and Christian. “Hey girl is you ok?” Worried Steven asks.

 “I don’t know.”  Everything is in slow motion.  “Is he alright? Is he going to be ok? Oh, God, Jack. How did this happen?  I have to see him.” My voice is ragged.  I’m gasping for breath, like I just ran up 20 fucking flights of stairs. “The car is outside, I’ll take you.”

     Standing in a waiting room at the hospital with Brad I feel like I’m watching from outside my body. Is this really happening? Rain starts to fall outside hitting the window.  ‘Hey beautiful want to break in my new bike?’ He was so handsome waiting for me outside the dance studio. I feel like if I don’t concentrate on the rain hitting the window I won’t breathe, I need to focus. ‘I bought you this bracelet because it reminded me of getting caught in the rain at Whistler.’ I think of our incredible night at the Fairmount. The rain washes over the window, poring now.   The nurse informs us he’s still in surgery. ‘Oh Baby, Talk to me please.’ My body is vibrating, I can’t stop shaking. “Shock,” Brad states.  ‘Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t swim?’ He saved me the night of the fireworks and held me in the shower to get warm. Rain hits the glass so; heavy it’s like a river.   He puts his hand on my cold arms, “I think you’re in shock. I’ll get you a blanket. He walks through the door way and I’m back at the streams of water on the glass.  Brad wraps the blanket around me and I notice stubble on his face, slightly grey. I wonder, only for a second how old he is, maybe 35- 40, he’s been a good friend to Jack?  Shrouded in a hospital blanket we sit together on a cold imitation leather couch in silence.   Right now it’s taking all my strength to sit upright.  My mind spins with memories of Jack.  That first night at the bar, ‘this lovely lady is with me.’ at the hockey game ‘looking for someone?’ That heart melting smile. In the forest on the way to Whistler, ‘Aren’t you my girlfriend, gorgeous?’  At the Ball, ‘You’re exquisite.’ Email, ‘You are the color of my universe.’

   The doctor enters the room snapping me back to now, “are you family?” “I...” Brad grabs my fingers, “Yes we are family.”  “Mr. Darcy has suffered two punctures to the left thorax,”

“Thorax!?”

 “Sorry lung. Two punctures to his lung. He’s lost a substantial amount of blood but, he’s doing ok. He came through surgery like a champion. His saturation level is well above 90 and his vitals are good. We are not out of the woods yet but, he is no longer critical condition. Only time will tell, he needs to heal; infection is my only concern now. I’ll keep you posted on any change” 

“Thank you Doctor.” I whisper. Information bounces around in my brain. I can’t live without you Jack, damn it, why didn’t I tell you that, Jack. I love you, more than anything. After he feeds us that information, he leaves the room and tears well up in my eyes.  . I turn to Brad and put my face in his chest. I feel his arms around me in a bear hug, no longer able to hold the damn, my tears fall. Loud wailing tears.

“Shh, he’s strong. He’ll be ok Libby. Don’t cry.” Like two an islands we remain clutched together, until the nurse disturbs us. 

“He’s no longer in intensive care. We’re moving him to a private room.” She informs us, so matter of fact, “and he’s awake now.”

 “Can we see him?” Brad asks.

“Yes but, only for a little while, he’ll be weak from the surgery. Follow me,” she takes us to his room.

 I stand in the door way, I feel weight in my chest making me feel heavy, almost sick. The man I fell in love with, the man who calls me beautiful, lying in the bed, helpless.  I watch his chest rise and fall with the rhythm of his breath. I want to touch him, my sweet loving Jack. I slowly walk to the bed with scared steps. Jack don’t leave me, I love you.  I touch his jaw, and then move the hair away from his eyes; he has a cut on his brow. Oh Jack. “Once I found out about Tommy, I wanted to make sure he paid for it, I have the power to protect you.” Tracing his scapula, I notice tiny bits of blood on his neck. Loving Jack. He opens one eye and looks at me. Reaching for my hand the corner of his mouth turns up, and it rips my heart. He opens his other eye and in a cheeky hush says “Miss me?”  His words stagger out of his mouth. “Jack I…..” words through sobs. “Shh,” he tries to put his index finger to his lips but, he has a mask on his nose and mouth “Kiss me.” I look at his through emotion strained eyes.  I lean down to kiss his oxygen mask and he closes his eyes.  My tears don’t stop and they fall on his cheeks. “Jack I’m so sorry.” His breathing quickens, “Tired” jack’s voice is small. “Sleep, it’s ok, I’m here,” I hold his hand in mine. “I’m not going anywhere; I’m staying here with you.” With promise in my voice, I sit beside the bed, as watch over my man. Peaceful he drifts into a deep sleep.

At five am, Brad leaves to grab us something to drink and the nurse is a small Asian lady, maybe late twenties or early thirties, walks in to check his vitals. She’s been in three times already, “His blood gases and pulse temperature are all good, he’s strong but, rest is his friend right not now, to heal. The more he can sleep the better. Can I get you anything Miss?”

“No I’m fine. Thank you.”

       Brad returns about twenty minutes later with some sandwiches and really bad coffee. “The Starbucks opens at 7am; I’ll grab us a good coffee then, is you ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“You look rough. If you don’t mind me asking, are you and Jack ok? He seemed pretty messed up for the last month.”

“Messed up?”

“I thought maybe you broke up. He was pretty emotional.”

“Emotional?”

“Yeah, he’d been crying. He said he had to go clear something up with some guy and maybe you would forgive him.”

“Oh no, did he say who?”

“Tommy someone, I don’t remember.”

I feel tears run down my cheeks, “This is because of me. He risked his neck for me Brad.”

“I know he loves you Libby.”

no more flowers

Chapter 32 no more flowers no more Jack?

“Hi! I’m home.” I shout as I walk through the door.

“Hi, Lib, we’re in the kitchen. Chris and I just got new phones.” He sounds happy; I bet they spent the entire day together. They are so in love and I want to be like them.

“New phones?” I ask with no excitement in my voice, flat just like my mood.

“Smart phones, Samsung,” Chris explains as they both look over their phones.

“Samsung, its Samsung.” Gerry corrects him.

“S-am-su---ng dar-ling.” Chris sarcastically draws out. I love their banter and how they tease each other.

“Did flowers come today?” Impaitently, I blurt out the question.

“No, no flowers Lib.” Gerry voice is soft.

“None?” careful to not reveal the disappointment in my voice.

“Maybe there’s a problem, do you think they just goofed up?  I’m calling the flower shop.”

“Maybe call Jack.”

“Jack?! I’m calling Wayward Flowers” skimming the phone book I look up the number.

“Want to use my phone?” Smiling Gerry extends his hand and in it is a beautiful white big screen Samsung.

“Cool.” I dial the number and anticipate the reasons for the mix up. Wrong address, ran short of roses, or the obvious Jack has given up, take your pick.

 “Hello, Wayward flowers. How can I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Elizabeth Whyte. I was wondering if flowers were ordered to be delivered to me today. I’m at the Cedar Grove, 213476 4^th ave.” I say with hope in my voice.

“Just give me a second and I’ll check.” Rapidly tapping my eager fingers on the table, I wait holding my breath.

Covering the mouth piece of the phone, “They probably just lost the order.”

“No, I’m sorry no flowers were ordered for the address.”

Pressing end, I let out a sigh and my heart sinks, it’s over. Is that what I expected, for it to be over, do I want this? Staring at the roses that consume half the living room, I feel a ping of pain in my heart and tears fill my eyes and threaten to fall. Swallowing hard to keep them at bay, I walk directly to my room and throw myself on the bed. Overcome with emotion, I howl into the pillow. I cry for might have been and for what I lost today, perhaps forever. I just lost any hope of Jack.

“Libby, sweetie, why don’t you just give Jack a call? I’m sure he still loves you. I know he wants to hear from you.”

 “I can’t.”

 Glancing out the window I see Jack’s car.